Preferred Provider or Perverted Provider?

Not quite the getaway I had in mind, but nevertheless I did have two nights and three days essentially to myself. Of course that does not include the nurses who kept taking my vitals every hour, changing the IV saline solution often, filling me up with pain killers (thank G-d for that at least), taking my blood on several occassions and then giving me blood.

So, I went to the ER on Thursday morning in a lot of pain. The Nurse-Practitioner (NP) checked me out and put in orders for various tests, as well as for a nurse to hook me up to an IV and to give me some heavy drugs. The nurse had a very pleasant demeanor, but he was a little weird. Did you ever watch "Will and Grace?" I swear my nurse reminded me, at least in physical attributes, of Karen's arch nemesis (Leslie something I think). My male nurse (from now on to be referred to as Nurse Leslie) was very friendly, but perhaps a little too friendly. Right after the NP left, Nurse Leslie came in to set-up the IV. Before doing so, he said he needed to listen to my stomach. The NP had just done this. He lifted my hospital gown a little higher than it needed to be and I swear brushed up against me where he shouldn't. But, I wasn't sure. Later, after I was told I had a large kidney stone and needed to be admitted, he proceeded to explain the procedure to me. Instead of just saying that a tube would be inserted into the urethra, yada, yada, yada. He said, "you know, they'll put a tube up your "hoohoo." OK, color me shocked!!!! Not soon after, I was on my way to a room outside of the ER--whew!

OK, so I was finally given a room after being in the ER for six hours. The nurse (not nurse Leslie) comes in with a "questionnaire." I'm feeling pretty good about answering all her questions.
Q1. Do you drink? A1. Maybe one glass of wine a week.
Q2. Do you smoke? A2. No.
Q3. Do you take any illicit drugs? A3. No.
Q4. How much caffeine do you consume? Ah, damn, there she goes bursting my balloon. A4. You found me out! I don't drink coffee or tea, but Coca-Cola is my guilty pleasure.

I have been a Coca-Cola junkie since childhood. Though I've finally made the switch to Coke Zero at home, there is nothing that beats regular ice cold Coca-Cola poured over a full glass of ice. I have been addicted to the stuff for so long, I even wrote a poem about it in high school. It was the only A+ I ever got out of Mrs. Moore. OK, can we say obsessed? But, I digress.

Back to the hospital here. . . All went well, they were keeping me high on drugs. That night I had a reaction to the painkiller they were pumping into me. I think it was just that they pumped it in too quickly. But, just in case, they switched me to morphine. All was good in my world at this point.

The surgery went well. I had to stay one more night because the surgery occurred so late in the day. The hospital was within my preferred provider network. Unfortunately, the surgeon they arranged for me was not. I'm worried to see that bill. I really don't know how the insurance company expects me to go searching out an appropriate surgeon while I'm filled with morphine. So, I'm anxiously awaiting that bill and ensuing battle.

I'm home now, taking it easy for this next week. And that's my two night getaway.