My Mom passed away earlier this week. This is something I wrote during the 27 hours it took me to rush home to her funeral. Rest in peace Mom.
When I was a little girl, my Mom had a brain surgery to fix a neuralgia. This was the beginning of a decline that she would never escape. I have a few memories of Mom really being Mom, being a person not ruled by mental and physical illness. These memories are very special to me and I cling to those with my heart and soul!!! I think the biggest reason Jewish holidays are so important to me is the memory of being with her as Mom and daughter preparing the meals together, especially matzoh balls. And, probably why the piano has such meaning to me is because of the memories I have of her playing. She wasn't some grand pianist, but when she played I saw a woman, my Mom, without the sickness; if even for only brief moments. As the years passed and she deteriorated more and more, I lost hope of ever even getting to see those brief glimpses of her as Mom. That is until she became Grandma. When she saw her grandsons, a glimmer of the woman, of the Mom, I so very much longed for was there. She loved her grandsons and they adored her! Now that she has died, I imagine all the sickness, all the ailments of the Body and mind have finally left her to be buried Forever. And those glimmers of life and love are the whole of her now as she joins my Dad up in heaven. And so I pray to G-d, that finally in heaven she is able to gaze down upon us all with a full heart and a joyous soul and perhaps finally a relief from all that tore her away from us on this earth for so many years.
