A week before Thanksgiving last year, our new college freshman called from school to tell us something. “Mom and Dad, I am going to start using they/them pronouns.” A few minutes later into the conversation, we were told, “Actually, my goal is eventually to start using she/her pronouns.” We were shocked; we didn’t see it coming; we had no idea. Yes, at times through the years, we thought perhaps this beautiful child was gay or bisexual but never did transgender cross our minds. We didn’t grasp the potential difference between sexual orientation and gender identity. In fact, we didn’t even think about the difference. We didn’t know; we didn’t understand.
Our children grew up in many different countries, including some very conservative places, where the LGBTQ+ community was not visible and, in some cases, illegal. Yet, growing up, our oldest child insisted on long nails and hair and liked to wear my heels around the house sometimes. We tried admonishing, telling this child to cut their nails and hair, and even stating our “worry” that this beautiful human being would be mistaken for a girl in our misguided attempts to discourage the behavior. We didn’t know; we didn’t understand.
Many want to believe that “indoctrination is the culprit.” We get that it is easier than admitting that because of “societal norms,” these beautiful souls hid from us, those who love them, and the world around them. But, no, it was not and is not indoctrination; it is their truth finally being allowed (relative to the past anyway) to live in our world. We now know. We now understand.
As parents of a transgender daughter, we are scared for her, terribly scared for her. But, this fear is not about how she lives her truth; instead, it is because of hateful people in our world who would seek to do her harm, isolate and exclude her for living her truth, or deny her existence altogether. We have no place for that hatred in our lives, communities, or world.
No matter what, we are always guided by our love for our children to ensure they always have a loving, safe place to land. We will always be that loving and safe place for our children. We love our children, both our cis child and our transgender child, beyond measure. They are beautiful, unique, intelligent individuals who bring many blessings to us and the world around them. #Alwaysmychild
