Authenticity

As I look at our life through Facebook and even this blog, I see what we want to portray to the world. And, yes, it is very much a part of us. However, it is not fully authentic. Only a glimpse into the positive side of our family's life, with the occasional controlled glimpse at an isolated negative experience along the way.  I do think it is important to know that life is not always perfect, no matter what we see on someone's Facebook page or blog.

Will I stop with Facebook and the blog, knowing all of this? Sometimes I am tempted to do just that, sometimes I slow to a standstill, but in the end I still do want to share our adventures with our friends and family around the world and be connected to them and their adventures.

Now, I have been facing some serious questions. I overcame much in my young life. I think I had even convinced myself that the pain from the past had built me into the person I am today, so because of that it was worth it. And, while on many levels that still holds true, what I wasn't prepared to face is the fact that just because you overcome some major difficulties at one point in your life does not mean you will never face serious difficulties in your future. The truth is that you just never know.

What I do know, from watching my parents, others and even when facing my own personal demons, is that it is easy to be the victim. And, it is very difficult to be the survivor. But, in the end, the victim stays in a pit of despair and the survivor does move on and thrive again. But, also, I know we need to do more than just survive. We need to live, really live and enjoy life and each other. And, this is the path I hope for us to embark upon together, authentically, with life's ups and downs and staying true to ourselves and each other. Easier said than done, but definitely the goal.

Where Do I Go From Here

I've been experiencing a rough time, not sure how to get myself together, but searching, looking, trying to appreciate those things that are true, happy, and positive. Just looking at my beautiful boys makes we want to try to be the strong, independent, confident and contented woman that I want to be and that they need me to be and that I lost somewhere along the way.

I'm hoping building strength of body will help me build strength of mind and soul. Definitely a work in progress, but it is helping me.

I've spent so many years focusing on being wife and mom, so many years planning for the future, I think I just need to stop, take a deep breath and experience life in the present a little bit. I can just live, do my best for my family and myself and see where that gets us for awhile.