We are 40 days away from completing an unaccompanied tour. Living back in the Pacific NW has been wonderful. The kids and I are so ready to have S back with us, but not at all ready to leave. But, leave we must in two months time. This has certainly strengthened my resolve to return "home" for good once we leave State Department life behind.
The recent death of my Uncle (Dad's brother) and my Great Aunt (Grandma's sister) drive home just how much it touches my heart to be close enough to family during such times. For such a tactile/kinesthetic person, I have missed being physically present in the lives of my family. Not just being physically present and available, but emotionally as well. To be able to attend the services and hear and share all the beautiful stories of their lives and see and feel the emotion, caring and love behind such stories. I miss being able to be present in this way; it is so hard to do when we are so far away most of the time. It has been important for the boys and me to be so connected and close to family in good times and in bad for our time back home.
Our sons are getting to really know my family too. They see them all the time, we have BBQs with them, holiday dinners, small get-aways together. It has been wonderful to have the opportunity for the boys to really know the family. We will miss that on a day-to-day basis. But, also, I know we must buy a home here ASAP, so we can start coming back each summer to be "home" and keep these connections alive and growing. In addition to old friends, we have made some wonderful new friends here too. The boys have learned so much at school, their Hebrew and knowledge of Judaism have grown so much and it has been amazing to see. So many things we will miss from "home."
No matter what happens, or where we go next, I know that having this year back "home" will remain a special time for the boys and me. Though it has been very difficult to have S away for the year, though we've had some trials along the way, it was the right choice.
Monday, June 2, 2014
Stay Alive
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KZnu7fVRPIc
My new favorite song by Jose Gonzalez. Poor kids, I keep playing this one over and over and over. Of course, the next song on the playlist is the Pina Colada song, which for some reason they absolutely love. We even had a pina colada night at their insistence - virgin coladas for them of course. :)
By the way, "The Secret Life of Walter Mitty" was just a movie that really hit home for me. I do recommend it. Yes, some of it is outlandish, but the message, the message is spot on!
My new favorite song by Jose Gonzalez. Poor kids, I keep playing this one over and over and over. Of course, the next song on the playlist is the Pina Colada song, which for some reason they absolutely love. We even had a pina colada night at their insistence - virgin coladas for them of course. :)
By the way, "The Secret Life of Walter Mitty" was just a movie that really hit home for me. I do recommend it. Yes, some of it is outlandish, but the message, the message is spot on!
Wednesday, January 22, 2014
Letting go
I have so much homework that I should be doing, but these thoughts are just overtaking my mind and I, at least, want to get them down before they disappear into the twilight zone. I've been really emotionally and physically spent this last while, some due to the UAT, some due to new things, most due to old things. And, it is just dawning on me tonight, finally maybe getting through this thick skull of mine, that it's time to let go. I cannot carry these burdens on my shoulders anymore because they are eating me up inside. Not every battle has to be fought. As much as I hate to admit this, not every event has a logical explanation. Not every injustice can be understood.
Awhile ago, I railed against the concept of "let go and let G-d," thinking that too many people use that as a way to avoid responsibility for their own lives and choices. And, yes, there are some who do that. But, maybe, just maybe, I'm starting to understand that in a different way. Maybe "let go and let G-d" means for me to say, "G-d, I cannot carry these burdens on my shoulders any more, I am taking them off and placing them at your feet, giving them over to you, please take them so I can learn to live again." Maybe, just maybe. . .
Awhile ago, I railed against the concept of "let go and let G-d," thinking that too many people use that as a way to avoid responsibility for their own lives and choices. And, yes, there are some who do that. But, maybe, just maybe, I'm starting to understand that in a different way. Maybe "let go and let G-d" means for me to say, "G-d, I cannot carry these burdens on my shoulders any more, I am taking them off and placing them at your feet, giving them over to you, please take them so I can learn to live again." Maybe, just maybe. . .
Friday, November 8, 2013
Four months into our UAT
We are in the midst of an unaccompanied tour with my husband's first R&R fast approaching. It has been four months since he left. The boys and I are excited to see him. This four months has been an overwhelming time for me as I struggled with working on my MBA, driving the boys to school and back as well as getting them to after-school activities (swim team, robotics, tae kwon do), and just trying to keep the house functioning. On top of that, we may need to move houses. I know I need to go to the gym more, it actually does help my mental health. Yet, some days it is all I can do to drag myself out of bed and get everything else done. Let's be honest, some days it is all I can do to drag myself out of bed, period.
We do see family and friends, but between our busy schedule and theirs, it just leaves limited time. And, though they are willing to help when I ask, I hate to ask. I so need to get over that!
My friend Susan told me to think of every day we make it out the door as a success, and I am taking that to heart.
We do see family and friends, but between our busy schedule and theirs, it just leaves limited time. And, though they are willing to help when I ask, I hate to ask. I so need to get over that!
My friend Susan told me to think of every day we make it out the door as a success, and I am taking that to heart.
Tuesday, October 1, 2013
Just doing a little math, the daily total cost to our economy from the 2013 government shutdown.
Just doing a little math here. . .
According to Brian Kessler, with Moody’s Analytics, a three- to four-week Federal government shutdown would cost the economy about $55 billion. (Isidore, 2013).
According to Republican Representative Tom Price, “Obamacare” will cost $1.76 trillion over 10 years. (Price, n.d.).
So, that is $176 billion/year or $482 million/day for healthcare versus $55 billion per three- to four-week period for a government shut down. Let us assume that $55 billion is for a four week period giving us the least cost/day estimate of a shutdown. Even still that is about $1.96 billion/day.
So, which is really more expensive, affordable health care at $482 million/day or a government shut down at $1.96 billion/day?
Let the government run and have this argument without putting our country in the hole by $1.96 billion/day for an argument that does NOT need the government to shut down to occur.
Common sense people, common sense!!!
References
Isidore, C. (2013, September 30). Shutdown: A multi-billion dollar hit to economy. CNN Money. Retrieved from http://money.cnn.com/2013/09/30/news/economy/shutdown-economic-impact/
Price, T. (n.d.). The cost of Obamacare threatens America’s wellbeing. (Press Release from Representative Tom Price). Retrieved from http://tomprice.house.gov/press-release/true-cost-obamacare-threatens-america’s-wellbeing
According to Brian Kessler, with Moody’s Analytics, a three- to four-week Federal government shutdown would cost the economy about $55 billion. (Isidore, 2013).
According to Republican Representative Tom Price, “Obamacare” will cost $1.76 trillion over 10 years. (Price, n.d.).
So, that is $176 billion/year or $482 million/day for healthcare versus $55 billion per three- to four-week period for a government shut down. Let us assume that $55 billion is for a four week period giving us the least cost/day estimate of a shutdown. Even still that is about $1.96 billion/day.
So, which is really more expensive, affordable health care at $482 million/day or a government shut down at $1.96 billion/day?
Let the government run and have this argument without putting our country in the hole by $1.96 billion/day for an argument that does NOT need the government to shut down to occur.
Common sense people, common sense!!!
References
Isidore, C. (2013, September 30). Shutdown: A multi-billion dollar hit to economy. CNN Money. Retrieved from http://money.cnn.com/2013/09/30/news/economy/shutdown-economic-impact/
Price, T. (n.d.). The cost of Obamacare threatens America’s wellbeing. (Press Release from Representative Tom Price). Retrieved from http://tomprice.house.gov/press-release/true-cost-obamacare-threatens-america’s-wellbeing
Saturday, November 24, 2012
Thankful
This Thanksgiving I am taking some time to recognize those things for which to be thankful.
First, and foremost, are my beautiful boys. They are such a joy (except when they are fighting) and I am forever grateful that I have been blessed with these little miracles!
Second, I am forever thankful to friends and family who were there to catch me and be there for me every step of the way in these last several months. I cannot even begin to thank you enough for all your love, comfort, encouragement and support.
Finally, I cannot begin to thank G-d enough for blessing me with such wonderful people in my life. But, I will try. . . .THANK YOU G-D!
First, and foremost, are my beautiful boys. They are such a joy (except when they are fighting) and I am forever grateful that I have been blessed with these little miracles!
Second, I am forever thankful to friends and family who were there to catch me and be there for me every step of the way in these last several months. I cannot even begin to thank you enough for all your love, comfort, encouragement and support.
Finally, I cannot begin to thank G-d enough for blessing me with such wonderful people in my life. But, I will try. . . .THANK YOU G-D!
Wednesday, November 14, 2012
My Own Eyes
When I was young, I felt such pride from my Dad in me. He made me feel I could do anything and it was a good feeling. I had always seen myself through my Dad's eyes. He died when I was 19 and I lost that and I lost me.
When I started dating my husband, 19 years ago, I had hoped that he could give me that feeling again. It was a silly expectation and, in fact, a harmful one. Because, it meant I never did learn to see myself through my own eyes.
I have spent my life seeing myself through the eyes of others. Building my dreams around the dreams of those I love. Making sacrifices for the goals of others. Making their goals, my goals, but never demanding the same in return. In my mind, I was investing in our family, in our collective future.
There is a point to making sacrifices, it is not all black and white. But, I realize now that the scale has been tipped for far too long in one direction. It is time to demand that I see myself through my own eyes. It is time to demand that the scale of sacrifices be more balanced to allow me to do that.
Yes, major mid-life crisis here. But, G-d willing, working through this crisis will put me and my family on the path toward living a whole, full and authentic life as individuals and as a family.
When I started dating my husband, 19 years ago, I had hoped that he could give me that feeling again. It was a silly expectation and, in fact, a harmful one. Because, it meant I never did learn to see myself through my own eyes.
I have spent my life seeing myself through the eyes of others. Building my dreams around the dreams of those I love. Making sacrifices for the goals of others. Making their goals, my goals, but never demanding the same in return. In my mind, I was investing in our family, in our collective future.
There is a point to making sacrifices, it is not all black and white. But, I realize now that the scale has been tipped for far too long in one direction. It is time to demand that I see myself through my own eyes. It is time to demand that the scale of sacrifices be more balanced to allow me to do that.
Yes, major mid-life crisis here. But, G-d willing, working through this crisis will put me and my family on the path toward living a whole, full and authentic life as individuals and as a family.
Monday, November 12, 2012
Not sure, but giving it a go. . .
Well, after all these years of talking the talk, I took the first step toward walking it. I am applying to a Masters program. We will see. . .I've been scared. Scared that I won't be accepted, scared that I will fail, scared that I will spend a ton of money on a degree that will not really be everything I hoped it would be and scared of things I cannot even identify. But, I've finally decided "so the *^&% what!" What does it hurt to try? If I don't get in, I don't get in. If I do and end up not being able to keep up or not liking the program at least I will know based on real experience, not just second-guessing myself. I can take just one class per term, slow and steady and that is ok. And, so, here I go. . . .
Wednesday, October 17, 2012
Authenticity
As I look at our life through Facebook and even this blog, I see what we want to portray to the world. And, yes, it is very much a part of us. However, it is not fully authentic. Only a glimpse into the positive side of our family's life, with the occasional controlled glimpse at an isolated negative experience along the way. I do think it is important to know that life is not always perfect, no matter what we see on someone's Facebook page or blog.
Will I stop with Facebook and the blog, knowing all of this? Sometimes I am tempted to do just that, sometimes I slow to a standstill, but in the end I still do want to share our adventures with our friends and family around the world and be connected to them and their adventures.
Now, I have been facing some serious questions. I overcame much in my young life. I think I had even convinced myself that the pain from the past had built me into the person I am today, so because of that it was worth it. And, while on many levels that still holds true, what I wasn't prepared to face is the fact that just because you overcome some major difficulties at one point in your life does not mean you will never face serious difficulties in your future. The truth is that you just never know.
What I do know, from watching my parents, others and even when facing my own personal demons, is that it is easy to be the victim. And, it is very difficult to be the survivor. But, in the end, the victim stays in a pit of despair and the survivor does move on and thrive again. But, also, I know we need to do more than just survive. We need to live, really live and enjoy life and each other. And, this is the path I hope for us to embark upon together, authentically, with life's ups and downs and staying true to ourselves and each other. Easier said than done, but definitely the goal.
Will I stop with Facebook and the blog, knowing all of this? Sometimes I am tempted to do just that, sometimes I slow to a standstill, but in the end I still do want to share our adventures with our friends and family around the world and be connected to them and their adventures.
Now, I have been facing some serious questions. I overcame much in my young life. I think I had even convinced myself that the pain from the past had built me into the person I am today, so because of that it was worth it. And, while on many levels that still holds true, what I wasn't prepared to face is the fact that just because you overcome some major difficulties at one point in your life does not mean you will never face serious difficulties in your future. The truth is that you just never know.
What I do know, from watching my parents, others and even when facing my own personal demons, is that it is easy to be the victim. And, it is very difficult to be the survivor. But, in the end, the victim stays in a pit of despair and the survivor does move on and thrive again. But, also, I know we need to do more than just survive. We need to live, really live and enjoy life and each other. And, this is the path I hope for us to embark upon together, authentically, with life's ups and downs and staying true to ourselves and each other. Easier said than done, but definitely the goal.
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
Where Do I Go From Here
I've been experiencing a rough time, not sure how to get myself together, but searching, looking, trying to appreciate those things that are true, happy, and positive. Just looking at my beautiful boys makes we want to try to be the strong, independent, confident and contented woman that I want to be and that they need me to be and that I lost somewhere along the way.
I'm hoping building strength of body will help me build strength of mind and soul. Definitely a work in progress, but it is helping me.
I've spent so many years focusing on being wife and mom, so many years planning for the future, I think I just need to stop, take a deep breath and experience life in the present a little bit. I can just live, do my best for my family and myself and see where that gets us for awhile.
I'm hoping building strength of body will help me build strength of mind and soul. Definitely a work in progress, but it is helping me.
I've spent so many years focusing on being wife and mom, so many years planning for the future, I think I just need to stop, take a deep breath and experience life in the present a little bit. I can just live, do my best for my family and myself and see where that gets us for awhile.
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