Thankful

This Thanksgiving I am taking some time to recognize those things for which to be thankful.

First, and foremost, are my beautiful boys. They are such a joy (except when they are fighting) and I am forever grateful that I have been blessed with these little miracles!

Second, I am forever thankful to friends and family who were there to catch me and be there for me every step of the way in these last several months. I cannot even begin to thank you enough for all your love, comfort, encouragement and support.

Finally, I cannot begin to thank G-d enough for blessing me with such wonderful people in my life. But, I will try. . . .THANK YOU G-D!

My Own Eyes

When I was young, I felt such pride from my Dad in me. He made me feel I could do anything and it was a good feeling. I had always seen myself through my Dad's eyes. He died when I was 19 and I lost that and I lost me.

When I started dating my husband, 19 years ago, I had hoped that he could give me that feeling again. It was a silly expectation and, in fact, a harmful one. Because, it meant I never did learn to see myself through my own eyes.

I have spent my life seeing myself through the eyes of others. Building my dreams around the dreams of those I love. Making sacrifices for the goals of others. Making their goals, my goals, but never demanding the same in return. In my mind, I was investing in our family, in our collective future.

There is a point to making sacrifices, it is not all black and white. But, I realize now that the scale has been tipped for far too long in one direction. It is time to demand that I see myself through my own eyes. It is time to demand that the scale of sacrifices be more balanced to allow me to do that.

Yes, major mid-life crisis here. But, G-d willing, working through this crisis will put me and my family on the path toward living a whole, full and authentic life as individuals and as a family.

Not sure, but giving it a go. . .

Well, after all these years of talking the talk, I took the first step toward walking it. I am applying to a Masters program. We will see. . .I've been scared. Scared that I won't be accepted, scared that I will fail, scared that I will spend a ton of money on a degree that will not really be everything I hoped it would be and scared of things I cannot even identify. But, I've finally decided "so the *^&% what!" What does it hurt to try? If I don't get in, I don't get in. If I do and end up not being able to keep up or not liking the program at least I will know based on real experience, not just second-guessing myself. I can take just one class per term, slow and steady and that is ok. And, so, here I go. . . .